I´ve got the illusion that I’m better with words when I write, therefore…

You make me a better person, as I told you before, you’ve got this power of calming me down. And that power has been the one that has forced me to be with you. You know that I’m not emotionally stable, even though I’ve learned to live with those thoughts, you are the only person that makes me forget that. When I’m with you it seems like those thoughts do not exist and more importantly that they are not real, but that they live only in my head.

Having to look to you every day and take a deep breath… It´s painful wanting to touch you and not being able to, it´s been too many years to avoid that, to fight against that…

Try to understand that it’s because I have feelings for you that I didn’t act on them, during all these years, because I saw that you were happy, because I cared more about you than about me, because I know it would be unfair to you to be selfish and try to conquer you and confuse your feelings. I had to make a choice, either I learned to live with it, or I would lose you. And I couldn’t take that chance. I knew that if I did it, it would be harder. I was afraid of losing you, of not seeing you anymore, of not having you close to me.

Now, I don’t know anymore… I feel that I’ve been fooling myself all these years, that maybe I’ve never stopped of being in love with you. To dig all that is very hard. Maybe I should have taken the risk, maybe I’d be happier, either I would have forgotten you or I'd have conquered you, instead of being anchored to you…Like I am…It frightens me the ease with which you break me. So little was needed!

What we feel for each other is real, it´s not an illusion as you want to believe to make you feel better. Do you think you feel what we feel for so long and that it is all an illusion? I can´t believe that… And you will see that in the future, you will give me reason…. There are things that you just can´t explain. What we feel is one of them. You love me and you know it. You’re just not in love with me. The inevitability of things is incredible. And believe me, we are a benchmark on that! Don´t blame only me that we are not together. The truth is that you are scared. Scared of the uncertainty that it might ruin everything. Don´t tell me you are happy, we both know it´s not true, you are just scared because you settled. One day you will understand that, by yourself. We feel things for each other that scare us, that consumes us, and that makes us lose control… 

You would be happier with me, but I can´t force you to see that, you’ve got to realize it by yourself.

The feelings you give me are unique! Fear, hate, love, affection, genuine care. This windmill of emotions are only felt for special people. And you are one for me. Maybe the only one.

I’ve dreamt with your death you know, you have no idea how I woke up, I was so frightened, so lost! Like I never felt. I also dreamt with mine, and you lost yourself, that pains me even more!

Maybe we are toxic for each other yes. The chance of a great love may destroy, at least that´s what I feel. But I can´t picture you far away from me. I don’t know why, but that’s what scares me the most.

We can´t pretend nothing happened. It wasn´t an accident. It was so natural that it frightens me. I’d stay forever with you in that room. There are moments in your life that beat you so hard with happiness. That moment was one of them for me.

I don’t know what is going on with us, why we let it happen, when we knew where we were heading. I think it´s because we wanted it to happen. I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t know if we will be able to. I just know that I feel good with you. And that feeling is everything.

I wouldn’t trade what I feel for you for anything in this world, even though it hurts me sometimes, the good it makes me is greater. That has to count for something, right. I’m just afraid of choosing to be miserable and lose you than to have to live with this anchor forever.

I’ll always be yours, whatever happens from now on.

You know why «La Vita è bella»? Because you don´t know what the future holds…